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If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.

January 14, 2009


You’re a real f***wit, drunk judge tells lawyer

Esther Cunningham

District judge Esther Cunningham had drunk brandy before court

A drunk district judge was thrown out of a courtroom after she forcibly kissed a solicitor and swore at a prosecutor.

Esther Cunningham drank brandy before appearing as a solicitor to represent her cousin in a dangerous dog case.

She told an usher to ‘f*** off’ and called the CPS lawyer ‘a f***wit’, the Solicitors’ Disciplinary Tribunal heard.

Six months later, the 54-year-old was drunk when she taught students on a legal course, the tribunal heard.

Cunningham, of Grantham, Lincolnshire, accepted she had a drink problem and blamed it on personal problems.

She admitted bringing her profession into disrepute two years ago and was suspended for six months with £6,200 costs.


Judge axes trial as victim is ‘too honest’ to give evidence

Denise Dawson

Denise Dawson

A robbery victim saw one of her alleged attackers cleared on Tuesday because the judge said she was too honest to give evidence.

Mother-of-two Denise Dawson was praised as ‘honest, utterly decent and brave’ and awarded a £250 payout by Judge Jamie Tabor after appearing in the witness box.


But the 36-year-old, who suffered a broken nose when a gang hurled a brick through her car windscreen, was told the trial was being halted.

Her evidence had been so impressive the jury would believe her rather than def­endant, Liam Perks, the judge said.


Last night, driving instructor Mrs Dawson said: ‘I feel very upset – what more do they want? I can’t sit there with a camera. How much more evidence can I get?’

Perks was accused of being part of a gang that surrounded Mrs Dawson’s Ford Focus as she gave 26-year-old Jodie Dickinson a driving lesson in Bristol in December 2007.

After smashing the windscreen, the gang stole her laptop and a bag containing £80. One of the gang punched her in the face before they all fled.

She identified Perks, 20, as one of the robbers last February, telling police: ‘That’s him, it’s number seven.’

She added: ‘I know that face. It made my stomach go over. That’s his face. He was really close to me as well.’

At Tuesday’s trial, Judge Tabor said: ‘Denise Dawson was a partic­ularly impressive witness because she showed courage, clarity of thought and was undoubtedly honest.’

But he told Bristol Crown Court it was her word against Perks’ and that was not enough to support a conviction.

He added: ‘The jury may lend more weight to her evidence than her facts allow. You cannot be sure she got it right.’

It then emerged that Perks had admitted conspiracy to burgle for his part in a gang stealing and selling motorbikes and vintage cars.

Mrs Dawson described the decision as ‘a kick in the teeth’.

Victim Support added: ‘Witnesses and victims expect the court to look after them.’

Last year, Judge Tabor handed battered wife Yvonne Godwin a 12-month suspended sentence after she admitting trying to poison her husband.


The ten strangest things sold on eBay


1 A man’s entire life
Ian Usher was fed up with his whole life – so he sold it on eBay. The winning bidder, who paid around £200,000, got Mr. Usher’s house, car, job and introductions to his friends in Perth, Australia.

2 A soul
To be honest, this never actually got sold – because eBay cracked down on musician Dante Knoxx after he put his soul up for auction, pulling the listing before it got any bids.

3 Michael Jackson’s underwear
A pair of Michael Jackson’s boxer shorts were sold, with a reserve price of $1million. The Calvin Klein undies had been seized as evidence during a 2003 child molestation investigation.


 4 A baby
A couple who put their baby on eBay for 1 euro as a joke briefly had the child removed from their custody, and were investigated for child trafficking. They got the kid back eventually.

5 A cornflake shaped like Illinois
Two sisters from Virginia were so shocked when they found a cornflake that was roughly the shape of Illinois that they put it up for sale. It attracted bids of over $1,000.

6 A town in Texas
The small town of Albert in Texas was sold on eBay, along with the title of Mayor of Albert. The ad boasted that the town was ‘known for its towering oaks, wildflowers, German heritage and laid-back attitude.’ It also had a beer garden.

7 Hi-tech toilets
Hi-tech toilets, originally bought by the city of Seattle for $5million, but subsequently scrapped after they became a haven for drug users, raised only $12,549 when they were later sold on eBay.

8 A vote in the 2008 US election
A University of Minnesota student discovered the hard way that selling his vote in the 2008 American elections was not the best plan, after he was charges with one count of bribery, treating and soliciting under a 1893 law banning the sale of votes.

9 Revenge knickers
A jilted wife got revenge on her husband by selling his mistresses over-sized knickers and a ‘small sized’ condom wrapper that she’d found in their bed.

10 Rhino dung
The International Rhino Foundation had the bright idea of flogging rhino poo as a way of raising funds. Um, yeah. Good idea.943f

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