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Trite And True

May 26, 2009

CLASSIC EXPRESSIONS

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21 cliches that say what they mean and mean what they say

Lisa Jones

1. Just be yourself.

2. If “yourself” is not a morning person, wake up and drink the coffee. Everything else can f-ing wait.

3. This too shall pass. Hangovers, heartache, blackheads, and bad haircuts — time heals all. Except for a UTI. That misery-fest demands antibiotics, pronto.

4.When in doubt, throw it out. Apply this first rule of fridge cleanup to anything you’re not sure you need anymore — the little black dress that fits a much littler you, crushed tampons in purse pockets, the hot-but-boring boyfriend.

5. Life’s a bitch. But aren’t we all sometimes?

6. Maybe she got promoted before you or looks better in skinny jeans. But maybe you have more friends and bigger boobs. So why compare? Another woman’s success is not a measure of your failure.

7. Separate the men from the boys. Hint: The men are the ones who make you orgasm and pancakes.

8. Open your heart. The scary stuff that makes you vulnerable is the good stuff.

9. If the shoe fits, buy it. When it comes to a sale in the footwear departmnet, she who hesitates is lost.

10. Make out like a bandit. Life is too short to go unsexed.

11. You’ll know it (the right job, man for you) when you see it…and who says you have to explain it to others who don’t?

12.A leopard can’t change its spots. Nor can an ex-love unbreak your heart when you give him a second chance. Or a third. Or a fourth.

13. Absence makes the heart grow fonder — and the libido grow stronger.

14. Love what you do and do who you love. Even if he never takes out the recycling.

15. Show me the money. More often than not, you have to ask for it. Subtlety doesn’t pay the rent — or earn your boss’s respect.

16. Fake it till you make it. Hey, it worked for George W.

17. Save the drama for your mama. Complaining, whining, making excuses — all unattractive and boring to anyone who’s not you. Nobody said it would be easy.

18. Just do it. Those lifetime goals don’t just happen. It’s all about the baby steps, baby.

19. You are what you eat. Nature’s reminder: asparagus pee.

20. Everything in moderation. And when you forget that: Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.

21. Love many, trust few, but always paddle your own canoe. Unless, of course, you’re up a creek without a paddle. In which case, you’re totally screwed.

 

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