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Glossary of Politically Correct Terms

August 8, 2009

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Glossary of Politically Correct Terms

EUPHEMISMS: When you don’t care enough to use the very best word. (The latest fad in euphemisms is “politically correct” language, which is difficult to invent since it is impossible not to offend someone in the world.)

  • Plagiarism: Previously Owned Prose (as in “this list was plagiarized from a Washington Post column”)
  • Road Kill: Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form
  • Cowardly: Challenge Challenged
  • Cannibalism: Intra-Species Dining
  • Vomiting: Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices
  • Alcoholic: Anti-Sobriety Activist
  • Vice President: Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World
  • Abortion: Near-Life Experience
  • Rudeness: Tact Avoidance
  • Assassination: Involuntary Term Limitation
  • Shoplifter: Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist
  • Dead: Actuarially Mature
  • Homelessness: Mortgage-Free Living
  • Corpse: Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
  • Loser: Second Place

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