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America’s laws are not based upon the Ten Commandments

August 11, 2009

Despite what the fundamentalist Christian right would have you believe, America’s laws are not based upon the Ten Commandments

It’s bullshit, from the first commandment to the last…

The Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court is a dolt named Roy Moore. This is the guy who is supposed to enforce the law and protect all of Alabama’s citizens (not just the Christian ones). Instead, the sneaky asshole had a 5,000 pound hunk of granite with the Ten Commandments carved into it placed at his courthouse in the middle of the night in 2001.

Gee, you think this asshole had some notion that maybe some non-Christians would be upset about it? I’m sure Moore’s reason for doing it in the middle of the night was because he was only able to find someone with a big enough truck to haul that fucking monstrosity after the bars had closed, and not because he knew he was doing something in violation of the First Amendment. What an asshole.

The bible-thumpers are streaming to Alabama to support Moore as a man of integrity. Well, he’s a fucking pussy. He should have had the balls to roll that piece of shit monument up to the courthouse steps in the middle of the goddamn day during a fucking tent revival if he truly thought he was doing nothing improper. Those who operate under the cover of darkness often have something to hide.

Despite losing at every level in the federal judicial process, Moore remains defiant, insisting that he will not allow the Ten Commandments to be moved from the courthouse, because they are the “foundation” of Alabaman and American law. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

Think for just a moment, before you buy into that tired and weak argument about why Christians should be allowed to put whatever they want wherever they want, especially if it’s a set of “god’s laws” that they stole from the Jews anyway. I know it’s been said before, but most of the Ten Commandments are unconstitutional and/or unenforceable. They are not the basis of American law. The founding fathers were not Southern Baptists, no matter how hard the lying right tries to convince you that they were.

The First Commandment: Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me

Analysis … Unconstitutional
Now think for a moment. We’re on Commandment #1, and already we’ve run into something that violates the First Amendment to the Constitution. If there were laws on the books based on this commandment, they would quickly be overturned as they would appear to establish an official religion, which is a huge fucking no-no, according to the First Amendment. Strike one. Already the Christians have lost credibility in trying to argue that the Ten Commandments are merely “historical laws” that have no real religious meaning. Tell that to the Hindus, Buddhists, Pagans, Wiccans, and Atheists who read Commandment #1.

The Second Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thee Any Graven Image

Analysis … Unconstitutional
Again, we find something unconstitutional in these “historical laws” upon which America’s laws are supposedly based. The First Amendment guarantees the right to freedom of speech and freedom of expression. If I want to sculpt, draw, paint, or animate a graven image, then the First Amendment guarantees my right to do so. If I want to worship that image, same deal. And, what the fuck is a graven image anyway? If you read the definition of “graven,” it doesn’t sound all that bad. Strike two.

The Third Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of Thy Lord in Vain

Analysis … Unconstitutional and Unenforceable
Strike three. If this were truly a baseball analogy, we could stop right here. See the First Amendment again. I can say, “god,” “goddamn,” Jesus,” “Jesus H. Christ,” “Jumpin’ Jesus on a Goddamn Motherfucking Pogo Stick,” or any variation thereof. I can say it in vain. I can say it in the hopes that I’ll get laid. I can say it wearing a hat made of aluminum foil, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it in America. Sure, John Ashcroft would like to install a Taliban-inspired government and lock my ass up for all my vain lord-name-saying, but he’s still got a few votes to get from moderate Democrats.

I remember toward the end of Reagan’s term in office, there was a minor flap when Ronnie allegedly told a journalist to “get off my goddamned back.” The White House was quick to issue a statement claiming that although Reagan had very occasionally, at times of great stress, had the bad judgment to utter the word “damn,” he never-ever-ever-ever-swear-on-a-stack-of-bibles-ever said “goddamn.” He was a good Christian, after all. A few months later, blooper reels from Reagan’s films emerged and nearly every time he flubbed a line, he would say “goddamn.” Nobody in the press really gave much mileage to the story, and it didn’t really deserve much press. It’s only one of a million reminders that the Bible-thumpers are very often hypocrites and liars.

The Fourth Commandment: Remember the Sabbath Day, to Keep It Holy

Analysis … Unconstitutional and Unenforceable
Strike four. If you read further down in Exodus for the full text of this commandment, it basically says that you can’t work on the Sabbath (which is Sunday for many religions, Saturday for many other, an I’m sure every other day of the week for other minority religions). Imagine for a moment if Wal-Mart wasn’t open on Sunday. Thousands of rednecks would starve and be no-snuff-cranky every goddamn week. Plus, in order to enforce this law, the government would have to pick a day as the “Sabbath Day” and you’d run into that pesky First Amendment again.

The Fifth Commandment: Honor Thy Father and Mother

Analysis … Unenforceable
Exactly who determines how well I honor my parents? My mother was a drug addict and died of an overdose. Should she have been making the call here? I fucking hope not. Again, we’re talking about getting inside people’s heads to enforce this “historical law,” and I would like for someone to point me to any state or federal law that says I must honor my parents. And, please don’t send me a fucking law from Virgin, Utah or Big Bone Lick, Kentucky (real cities!) where three people live and can pass any fucking bullshit they want because a) nobody lives there and b) nobody gives a fuck.

The Sixth Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Kill

Analysis … finally!
We finally get to a commandment that is enforceable and constitutional. We’re on number 6! I’m sure that the fundies reading this were wet with anticipation, waiting for me to get to this one. “See! American law is based on the Ten Commandments!!!” Smirk. Smirk. Smirk.

Unfortunately, the sixth commandment was around long before Moses journeyed into the desert, assuming that Moses existed and did, in fact, journey into the desert. One can be certain that the observation that it’s bad to kill others has been around since man split off from the great apes. For numerous reasons, it’s bad to kill other humans. There are fewer people for the hunt, the harvest, etc. Plus, Hammurabi’s Code predates the writing of Exodus by nearly 400 years, and it prohibits the killing of other men, unless the government does it. (Hey, it’s just like the compassionate conservatives of today!) Hammurabi’s Code has 282 commandments, and the god of Moses only handed out ten? What an underachiever.

GOP hypocrite watch on Commandment 6: didn’t George W. Bush and his regime specifically target Saddam Hussein and his sons for killing? And, I notice that in the bible, there are no exceptions to “thou shalt not kill.” There are no exceptions for wars — just or unjust — and there’s no delineation of killing. This isn’t “thou shalt not murder,” it’s “thou shalt not kill.” So, are George W. Bush and many of our American troops going to hell for killing? I’d say yes if I believed in the bible.

So, is it patriotic to be an atheist? I guess so. Hooray!

Come to think of it, Commandment Six doesn’t even specify what we shouldn’t kill. Does it apply to animals? Plants? Bacteria? Fuck, being a Judeo-Christian is complicated.

The Seventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery

Analysis … Unenforceable, possibly Unconstitutional

I suppose that there probably still are laws in many states and localities prohibiting adultery. However, I think the recent Supreme Court decision regarding sodomy laws would also prohibit the government from peeking into the homes and hotel rooms of filthy, dirty adulterers. Don’t even get me started on the GOP hypocrites who violated this one, especially if you read what the bible says about divorce (pretty much not allowed, unless your spouse commits adultery). So, from a purely fundamentalist standpoint, anyone who’s been divorced, remarried, and has sex with the new spouse is an adulterer. Hell must be getting full of GOP politicians, what with all the adultery going on. Viagra won’t save you from Lucifer’s pitchfork, Bob Dole!

The Eighth Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Steal

Analysis … okay, ya got two

Again, Hammurabi’s Code predates this by several hundred years. The Judeo-Christian Bar Association shouldn’t be taking the credit for this.

The Ninth Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor


Analysis … three and done

We’ll get to number ten in a minute, but this is the third and final enforceable “historical law” to which the religiosos can lay some claim. Are you keeping count? That’s three out of TEN!

Perjury is illegal. Big fucking deal. Plus, at least a dozen of the laws handed down by Hammurabi deal with perjury. The god of Moses was an underachiever and a paraphraser.

The Tenth Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Wife, Nor His Manservant, Nor His Maidservant, Nor His Ox, Nor His Ass, Nor His Orangutans, and so on . . . .

Analysis … Unenforceable

The thought police and capitalists were surely at work in the writing of Exodus. Don’t be jealous of rich people, you sad poor fuck! God likes your neighbor better, that’s why he’s got a hot wife and that sweet-ass maidservant. I can just imagine all the kinky shit that goes on over there, what with the oxen and asses and all, and adultery’s wrong, but it ain’t that wrong, you know what I’m saying? Well, its wrong for you, because you’re poor, so stop fucking coveting, ya fuck.

As for the coveting of your neighbor’s ass, I think the Supreme Court decision on sodomy laws might protect you here, as well.

So . . .

Give it up, fundies

Three laws out of ten does not equal a win

This bullshit in Alabama is based on a complete fallacy of the wacko right. Any thinking person can see that the Ten Commandments are not the basis for American law. Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore should be impeached and removed from the Court. He is in contempt of court. He is breaking the law. He is an asshole. He is not Gandhi or Martin Luther King.

Moore is making a stand based on a false assumption, and no matter how many times the hair-helmets on Fox News say it, the Ten Commandments are not the basis of American law. He’s sending a very clear message to Alabamians and Americans: get Christian or get the fuck out. How un-American.

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